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What Comes First in Your Life?
There may be no easy answer to the question, “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” But, when it comes to being a wife and a mom, the question of what should come first in our priorities and focus is clear. Our kids, as much as we love and treasure them, will (hopefully!!) grow up, leave home, and start families of their own some day. But our spouses are meant to be our lifelong companions, friends, and helpers. If we forget that we are supposed to be wife first, mom second, our marriage relationship could greatly suffer and become nearly irreparable, especially as we enter our “empty nest” years.
In our daily reality, though, it’s sometimes hard to make being a wife our primary role. Children need continual attention and are pretty good at making their needs known! With a newborn in the house or a sick child, obviously your priorities need to adjust for a time. Over the long-run, though, a couple needs to find ways to make their marriage relationship a focus of their attention. Here are some ideas on how to be a wife first and mom second.
- Greet your husband when he comes home: So, you’re making dinner and the kids are crying and hungry and you’re tired and you have less than an hour to feed everyone and get them cleaned up and out the door for ballet or church. I’m not saying to follow the 1950s manual and make sure everyone is wearing their Sunday best for dad’s arrival and are lined up at the door to greet him while holding his slippers. But, at least make the sacrifice to turn away from the stove for two minutes, give your husband a welcome home hug and kiss and show him that you are glad he’s home and that you are excited to see him.
- Spend time in actual conversation every day: Try to carve out about 20 minutes of each day for talking about more than just the planning of the schedule. This may mean setting up “mom and dad time” by giving the kids an activity, a video or some books perhaps, and then sitting on the sofa to chat about the day together. It will take time to train the kids that this is not the time to ask mom questions or ask her for help. Unless it’s an emergency, the kids are to entertain themselves until mom and dad have caught up on the day.
- Pray together: Not all husbands are excited about praying with their wives, and if your husband is one of them, don’t pressure him to pray with you. It will make him feel like you are judging his spirituality and create conflict in your marriage. However, if your husband is willing to pray with you for at least a few minutes each day, then make that time together! Taking your requests to God as a couple and being vulnerable before Him will build intimacy between you and keep God at the center of your marriage. Check out the book, Couples Who Pray: The Most Intimate Act Between a Man and a Woman by Squire Rushnell and Louise DuArt for more ideas on how to pray with your husband.
- Date Each Other: Many couples set up babysitting swaps with friends so they can have a regular date night at least once or twice a month. To be honest, that isn’t something my husband and I have done. If you’re like us and aren’t able to get out much or if finances are tight and you can’t afford an expensive night on the town, you can still carve out special time for one another. Try a date night at home. Watch a movie together after the kids have gone to bed or pull out the board games. Feed the kids dinner separately and then have a nice dinner with just the two of you after they’ve gone to sleep. You can also get a babysitter and go out for some time at a flea market or go to a bookstore to browse the aisles without spending a lot of money. Invite another couple over for dinner and enjoy the time getting to know them. You might actually learn more about each other in the process!
Consider taking a challenge for the next week or two. Go about your daily "wife and mom life" and see if anything seems out of place. Are you lacking actual conversation times with your husband? Has it been a while since you scheduled time for your marriage? Did you think you were praying together daily, but really you are skipping more days than you thought? You might be surprised to find how little attention your marriage is getting. Even if your marriage is doing great, a little maintenance will only help keep first things first in your life.
To keep up with Heather King, visit her blog at http://heathercking.wordpress.com/
Copyright © 2008-2015 Heather King
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