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Global-Local Warming-Cooling-Huh?!

Editor Note: The following article is written in the tone of political satire, and should be received as such, but has valid points to make in relation to God’s design of the earth and all living things that inhabit this planet; and ultimately poses a poignant question we all should consider.

     WHO knew?!  GASP!  Despite dire warnings of the earth turning into a giant kiln (while under the spell of record snowfall and freezing temperatures), ClimateGate pundits are dancing yet another predictable two-step. The latest panicked data seems to suggest that, coincidentally, global warming now causes global cooling/warming.  Or, is it warming/cooling?  I forget.

Hold Your Breath!

     Last month, caped eco-crusaders (OK, so I’m exaggerating a little on the “capes,”) from all over the globe convened in Copenhagen, Denmark, to discuss their brave new environmental plan to save the earth.  Not surprisingly, the massive “list of things we must do” never includes them.  Just wanted to point that out. They swooped into “The Cleanest City in the World” in their vast army of fuel-wasting private jets and anti-clean air limos and such.  Query:  anyone ever heard of videoconferencing?  Anyway, nothing was accomplished except world-class whining and temper tantrums over and about money. They beat everyone over the head with a new hip religion that European Parliament member, Daniel Hannan calls “Ecotechnocracy.” And, ooo, that villainous carbon dioxide (required for natural processes like, oh, I don’t know…breathing), is the proverbial butler in a “who-dun-it.”  CO2 did it!  Some scientists claim that our very breath is poisonous to the environment.  Imagine!  That gives new meaning to the term “face-melting halitosis.” Seriously, what can we do about that? Maybe establishing a worldwide breath-holding schedule would help to decrease carbon emissions. 

     Enter…the carbon footprint.  A carbon footprint is a measure of the total carbon dioxide emissions directly /indirectly caused by human-related activities…and any activity that produces activity. Conveniently enough, that is actually part of the definition of activity, but I digress… Apparently, the fact that we can measure carbon emissions has somehow come to mean that those emissions are destroying our planet. Let’s all move to Mars, shall we? Oh, right, there’s no air there at all. Hmmm, where was that sneaky carbon dioxide on that Martian night long ago when the planet died?  You know, just using the term “carbon footprint” in your daily vocabulary makes you sound all “smarty-smart,” too.  Bonus!

That Crazy French Emperor!

     Finger-wagging scientists have claimed that wasteful man, in his super-badness, is contributing to the causing of yet another ice age with that pesky exhaling habit.  Combine that with industry, cars, hairspray, insecticides and all other evils perpetrated by even “eviler” man, and we discover that these evils are boring a hole in the ozone and causing strange weather anomalies…like excessive flooding.

     Hold on a second…I think there is an account in the Bible about a world-wide flood or something like that.  Ummm…question?  What caused the other ice ages?  Just asking. The last scientifically recognized iceage was at the end of the eighteenth and beginning of the nineteenth century.  So…Napoleon blasting through the Russian winter landscape, late for his hair appointment and the latest coiffure in his gas-guzzling, anti-owl habitat Hummer did that?  I knew that guy was up to more than he let on!

Reality Check…

     Amidst the flurry of fraudulent, contradicting and ill-supported data, maybe it’s time we put a few things down for a nap:

     As a Christian, I personally believe the earth was made by God. In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.  Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the  waters,” Genesis 1:1 (NIV).

     Despite human opinion and ideas about population growth and control, God is not surprised by the number of people on earth. “God blessed them and said…‘Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it…’ ” Genesis 1:28 (NIV).

     We have been given prudent and wise dominion over other living creatures. “Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground” Genesis 1:28 (NIV).

    The earth is not eternal or perfect. “To Adam he said, ‘Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, “You must not eat of it” Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life ’” Genesis 3:17 (NIV).

The Challenge…

     The challenge of approaching this issue with moderation and common sense requires us to navigate  away from the exaggerated extremes in theory and scientific hypotheses.

     The fact that I do not recycle every plastic thing doesn’t mean I decorate with dead polar bears.  It means that cleaning out peanut butter jars is nearly impossible and too time-consuming.  I‘ll admit it. I throw peanut butter jars in the regular trash!  Wondering if there is more hype than anything else at this point doesn’t mean I harbor blind rage towards tree frogs and the trees they live in. 

Knowledge about our planet is valid and essential to our survival and advancement.  Most geologists and scientists are invaluable resources and dedicated to their field and research.  God is not taken aback by progress; He allows it.  God knew what He was doing when He designed the earth.  Listen, God didn’t use cheap parts and supplies, nor did He forget to install a thermostat. 

     My brother is a geologist mapping the vast and plentiful oil fields under the Arctic Ocean, off the coast of Prudhoe Bay, Alaska. He is working to devise more efficient ways of getting to that oil. Part of the research is so that the USA will become less energy-dependent on foreign oil, while simultaneously appeasing those who are concerned that it might be ecologically harmful in the first place.  I would call that a balanced outlook. God has provided us the knowledge and technology to retrieve oil, hasn’t He? (Smarty-smart term:  “fossil fuels.”)  I love what comedian Dennis Miller says about the environmentalists outrage about drilling the huge pristine Alaskan oil fields: “Instead of becoming energy independent and actually using those resources, what do we do with Alaska?  Just look at it?”

A Few “Scientific” Points…

     The “Earth is a Jillion Years Old Theory”:  How can this be if there is a delicate balance?  The earth, then, has been in a perpetual state of chaos?  Chaos, even per science, cannot be maintained. Then, it wouldn’t be chaos!  If the earth’s average temp has risen ¼, 2, 7 (pick one) degrees over the last 20, 50, 250 years (yep, just again, pick one from conflicting studies) – don’t even the most extreme figures actually reflect a surprising stability?  

     I am no scientist, but I am not a cardboard box, either.  Look, common sense, sans scientific theories, says you can’t have it both ways.  And, if people insist on believing this theory, why are we flipping out over temperature changes?  The leap in logic required to believe that changes in earth’s temperature will directly destroy the planet is actually greater than the leap required to believe in God! A teeny bit of research will reveal that, surprise, surprise! Are you sitting down? The earth is dynamic.

     The “Super Continent Theory”: This theory proposes that all of the continents were connected to each other at one time.  Through a force called “continental drift,” they were separated over time. Why are we losing our minds over shifting coastlines?  Breathless reports present data like this: “500 homes were tragically lost this year due to coastline erosion…Hence, we must stop using fossil fuels and spray cheese!”  I think I could give up spray-cheese, but I draw the line at hairspray.  But, hey,here’s an idea:  Just because you want to live two inches from the…OCEAN---doesn’t mean you should.  How about if you stop building homes on sand?... (Almost literally and definitely theoretically!)

     The “We’re All Going to Die! Theory”:  I was watching a doom-and-gloom documentary about what would happen to the earth and anything that man left behind when, and if, he suddenly disappeared.  Oh, no! Who would dust the St. Louis Arch, what would become of Mt. Rushmore?  Panic!  No offense, but my first reaction was, “Who cares? We’re all dead!”  If we are all gone, why worry if the Lincoln Memorial suddenly feels “all alone”? When the ominous voice narrating the show said, “Within 20 years of the earth without humans, Nature takes her revenge and reclaims her territory in full!” According to this particular theory, it sounds like she is out to get us first, wouldn’t you say?  Instead of treating Mother Nature like a brittle diabetic, sounds to me like she can handle what we throw her way.

Just Humor Me…

     Could we, pretty please, entertain a teensy-weensy little theory here?  I mean, as long as we are talking about theories and stuff.  Could it be that we do not know everything we think we do?  God is the only One Who knows everything. Maybe the earth goes through systematic cyclical changes and processes of all kinds to replenish, troubleshoot and repopulate?  Maybe it’s just because God likes variety and change.  I personally have driven my husband nearly mad with moving the furniture around every once in awhile just because I like change. nbsp;I don’t know for sure, but it does seem like we have gone overboard into an unbalanced concern and frenzied obsession over the environment. We are commanded to be good stewards of everything He provides, not consumed with the care of it.“…guard what has been entrusted to your care. Turn away from godless chatter and the opposing ideas of what is falsely called knowledge, which some have professed and in so doing have wandered from the faith” 1 Timothy 6:19-21 (NIV).

     Despite our best attempts, we are still unable to harness nature.  We are continuously puzzled by it. We can’t stop weather systems.  We remain helpless in the face of hurricanes, earthquakes and tornadoes.  Our dams break.  Our bridges fall.  Our buildings crumble. We still get sunburned.  Man cannot breathe at the highest points of the earth or even venture into the deepest parts of the oceans.  If man was truly such a violent scourge and detrimental to the globe’s general well-being, would we be so at the mercy of it?  The environment usually wins in the end.

Hot Flashes…

     I also can’t help but think that if the earth is a rickety-mantled little old lady, can’t the ole’ gal have some hot flashes now and then?  I am not old by geologic standards, and even I vacillate from feeling “stuffy” to asking my kids to bring me a sweater for Heaven’s sake!

It is smart to research alternative fuels, cleaner environments, and better use of the resources the good Lord gives us. It is wise to reforest and plant trees, and rotate crops…but, whom are we worshipping here?  The Creator or His creation? 

Copyright © 2008-2015 Jodi Crago

Reader Comments...
2010-03-06 20:16:21
"Dear Jodi,
I am so happy to read yet another fabulous article of yours! Your sarcastic satire and quick wit always amuses me and makes me LOL! It is medicine for my soul! I especially enjoyed your perspective on Napoleon! LOL again! You delight me!"

        - kristy
2010-03-05 10:16:31
"Good one, Jodi. Well done."
        - Ann
2010-03-02 15:19:19
"Ho-Ho, another of Jodi's sock-it-to-me satires. How dare you poke fun of those nice Global Warming people. Fantasy is so much more fun than common sense and the facts."
        - Laura
2010-03-01 22:00:15
"Every thing, whether it is a human soul or body, a towering tree, teeny fish is a part of God, or it would not exist.... blessings..."
        - Carole

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