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Why Doesn't He Give Me Flowers Anymore?

Why No More Flowers?So there I was, at a family gathering, sitting at the dining table listening to my aunt, who had been married a lot longer than Mike and I at the time, when I had an epiphany.  You see, she had been pouring out her heart as to my uncle’s lack of romantic senses or abilities.  She just couldn’t understand why he had stopped romancing her.  When they were dating and in their early years of marriage he was well in tune with how much she responded when receiving the unexpected token of his love and affection.  But time passed and the giving of little things began to fade until she couldn’t recall any gifts given to her by her husband unless it was for Christmas or maybe her birthday. 

Where had the beautiful bouquets of flowers, little love-notes, and occasional small “ just because I’m thinking of you gifts”, gone?  Why didn’t he try anymore to do the little things?  Did he love her less now than he had before?  Was there something about her that had changed his desire to do these things for her?  After lamenting for quite some time on the subject, she concluded the discussion with the resolution that maybe the giving of love tokens was just a courting ritual of young love and that romance was lost for those who had been married for a long while.  Therefore, she had better just deal with the fact that her unromantic marriage had become akin to wearing an old, worn out, tattered, yet comfortable bath robe. 

Well I didn’t like the sound of that at all.  In fact, it made me think about my own husband and our marriage.   Although we had only been married for a short while, I had started to see a small decline in the amount of attention my husband had been giving me.   The tokens of his affection that I had been receiving were beginning to lessen.  The glimpse of a future romanticless marriage, equal to that of my aunt’s, made me sad and very uneasy.  The wheels in my head began to turn and I started meditating on this horrible, silent, slow-lurking threat to my very happy marriage.  That’s when the epiphany struck me!  Okay, maybe giving tokens of love is partially a traditional courting ritual and once the “lion has captured his prey,” there is no need to continue to entice the mouse.  Or, maybe the men just get tired of always being the one chasing.  Maybe they would like the mouse to chase after them sometimes. 

Christina & MichaelThat’s when I asked my aunt, when was the last time you left him a love note, or bought him flowers, or just a little something just because you had been thinking of him?  She was stumped!  She almost didn’t understand what I was asking her.  She had been so busy worrying about him not paying attention to her that she had never considered the giving of love tokens to her husband.  I began to explain my thought process. 

Well, the way I see it, is that if he’s the one always giving and seldom receiving, that could become tiresome and he would probably stop the giving of little things.  But, if his love tokens were reciprocated then he might be more inclined to continue giving.

Why should the men always be expected to give love tokens while we women just receive?  Love and romance needs to be nurtured from both sides.  Both husband and wife need to feel loved and appreciated by their spouse through individual expressions of affection.  This was an eye opener for my aunt and me.  I decided that day, that I would always try to do special things, unexpected things, and for no other reason than that I adored my husband very much and I wanted him to know it in ways other than verbally or physically. 

I began buying him these beautiful orange rose bouquets that look very masculine.  You know what, he smiles whenever he comes home and the flowers are on the kitchen counter with a little note.  I have left a bag of his favorite dark chocolate Lindt truffles on his computer desk with a note that reads, “Just because.”  Sometimes I will set up a massage station on the bed in our room and give him a thirty-minute back massage, his favorite, and not expect anything in return.  Mike and I have been married 14 years now and we continue to give love tokens and the romance we feel and the love that we show one another is stronger than it was when we were younger.

Let’s take our eyes off of ourselves for a change.  Take some time out for our husbands.  Try giving him love tokens of whatever kind and just see how he will begin to respond.  You won’t be disappointed.

Copyright © 2008-2015 Christina Messer

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